Monday, May 18, 2009

Funny Mom Quotes

When I was younger, I used to be embarassed by my mom (much like, no doubt, every other teenager).  She said all sorts of weird things and still referred to all of my friends' moms as "your mommy" and was generally uncool.  Now that I'm older, I just think she's hilarious.  She is so unconsciously prejudiced against people who are unlike her that she just says things without realizing that they're offensive.  Here are a few prime examples from her stay in New York this week:

"He just looked like a Mexican!... no offense." -to my roommate right after she informed mom that she was half Asian

"He actually is a very good boy, you know.. gives back to the community and helps black people paint their churches even though he makes a lot of money and he's Jewish.  And he looks like such a Jew!" - referring to a recently reunited acquaintance

"Oh you know, I was just talking to that nice Chinese boy.... married, though." - answering my question about who she was talking to, speaking to my fears that my mother is trying to be my matchmaker

"Ellen's okay... but you know, she's an L-lady!" - on the Ellen Degeneres Show

"This is fun! (in Chinese)" - on transferring from the subway to the crosstown bus.

"How come you're always looking for your pants?!" - spoken to me, self-explanatory

"Who is that friend of yours?  Why does she talk so funny?" - referring to a friend who actually does sound a bit like a cartoon character

Mom: Yeah I wanted to buy Sam a cup like that too but there wasn't that much choice, all of the cups are gay.
Me: MOM!  Not so loud in public!
Mom: Oops, I mean ... all the cups are "g."

"It's time for my mum-mums." - telling me that it's snacktime.

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