"He just looked like a Mexican!... no offense." -to my roommate right after she informed mom that she was half Asian
"He actually is a very good boy, you know.. gives back to the community and helps black people paint their churches even though he makes a lot of money and he's Jewish. And he looks like such a Jew!" - referring to a recently reunited acquaintance
"Oh you know, I was just talking to that
nice Chinese boy.... married, though." - answering my question about who she was talking to, speaking to my fears that my mother is trying to be my matchmaker
"Ellen's okay... but you know, she's an L-lady!" - on the Ellen Degeneres Show
"This is fun! (in Chinese)" - on transferring from the subway to the crosstown bus.
"How come you're always looking for your pants?!" - spoken to me, self-explanatory
"Who is that friend of yours? Why does she talk so funny?" - referring to a friend who actually does sound a bit like a cartoon character
Mom: Yeah I wanted to buy Sam a cup like that too but there wasn't that much choice, all of the cups are gay.
Me: MOM! Not so loud in public!
Mom: Oops, I mean ... all the cups are "g."
"It's time for my mum-mums." - telling me that it's snacktime.