Saturday, May 23, 2009

Funny Cousin Quotes

I have a lot of cousins.  Like everytime I count how many I come up with a different number lot of cousins.  (I think the last count was 19.)  Being on the older end of the spectrum of cousins--the youngest is in the 3rd grade, I think--it's been interesting watching them grow up and remembering how much it sucked being a kid in a mob of other kids related to you, trying to stand out, out-shine, be special, get some attention from your overstressed, overworked and generally overstimulted and distracted parents.  I always envied the single children who had this air of self-assurance that they were most definitely the center of their parents' attention.  

I mean now I wouldn't trade my siblings on my life, but when I watch my cousins interact it brings back a lot of memories.  Bad ones. 

However last night I had the chance to hang out with some cousins that I usually don't get to.  It was a refreshing change from previous cousin interactions: where cousin set A interactions were usually wrought with competition and an air of snarky put-downs, cousin set B interactions were characterized by refreshingly light banter, camaraderie and hilarity.  Back and forth quips that were not mean, but meant to egg each other on towards more funniness.  SO GREAT.  And here are a few from last night:

"I guess I could pee at Cold Stone, but the manager there has gay face."

"Ugh, there's this girl in my dance class and she's FAT and WHITE and she smells like Chinatown times TEN."

"Kathleen!  Not so loud! You sound like a fob."

"I'll do all of those ballet positions on that nightgown if you give me a dollar." (later:) "OMG I can't believe I just humiliated myself in front of all these people for a dollar!... this is a pretty good way to make money!"

"Ugh... belly button cheese is never okay."

"Okay I've always wanted to ask someone this and I think you'll know the answer.  If the GI tract is really just one tube from mouth to anus, then technically if I put a string in your mouth and somehow managed to get it all the way through your intestines, then could I have a string with ends sticking out of your mouth and butt where I could pull on both ends?"

"If your patient has so much diarrhea, you hot glue a balloon to his anus and collect it that way."

"Have you ever had a fat, stinky, black homeless patient where you had to clean up the poo and turn them?"

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