-When a fairly bedbound patient is going for a colonoscopy and you're the sad unfortunate nurse who has to give the laxative and deal with its consequences, be sure to have extra bed pads because it WILL overflow the bedpan and WILL get all over the bed.
-Even if you finished getting report on one zone, don't toss your papers from the zone you covered the night before. Because the charge nurse just MIGHT switch you back and then you will not have any record of what you did the night before.
-When you give report, don't talk a mile a minute like you would when you're pissed and complaining to a friend.
-Don't front your knowledge about medications. That only works with Spanish-speaking immigrants. If you get called on it, you'll live with the consequences the rest of the shift.
-Always have saline flushes in your pocket. ALWAYS.
Best quotes of the night:
-"We're holding the medication because her biopsy came back positive for liver cancer and we haven't told her yet. So we'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell her either." -Dumbass MD
-"We've got so many shitters on this floor that we're out of bedpans. Terrific." -Murse