On Manbits

i'm going to out myself now and just say that STDs fascinate me--clinically, of course. STD clinic was probably my favorite "extra" clinical placement in all of FNP school. it's just so bizarre how many shapes and ages and forms of people came, dropped their pants and/or spread their legs to be examined. i especially enjoy doing pelvic exams (clinically, of course). as weird as this sounds, cervixes are sometimes very difficult for me to find and it's so rewarding when pops into view on first try! manbits, on the other hand, are not very exciting to me (clinically, of course). a dude drops his pants and bam!--his junk is there, no mystery at all.

this week i'm studying my brains out and true to self, cramming like a maniac for my boards next week. tonight i'm going through the male genitourinary system, which, if all the answers i'm getting wrong are anything to go by, i actually don't know very well at all. i guess there's a little bit of mystery after all. after studying this chapter, i have a few observations/more questions:

1) i thought i knew a lot about syphilis, but according to the practice questions, i only 33% know syphilis. i am 100% sure, however, that i do not ever want to contract syphyilis myself.

2) i hope to god i never have to see lymphogranuloma venereum in my life.

3) how come so many bad things happen to left testicles? friends in the know, please advise.

4) i am very, very glad i do not have a prostate. although if i had to choose between prostate problems and frequent yeast infections, i'm not sure what i'd pick.

5) did you know to cut off blood flow to a testicle it has to twist at least 720 degrees? that involves quite a bit of effort, unless you have very flappy balls.

6) epididymo orchitis. orchiopexy. when i first started nursing school, i was very confused what male genitalia had to do with singapore's national flower.

7) while i thought i knew nothing about HPV and anorectocancer, i am apparently very good at guessing on multiple choice questions about both of those topics.

the boards are so close. i feel like i'm slow-stepping to the gallows. just need to get it done and over with, i guess.

Conquered

i have a confession to make....

... i detest people with weak stomachs. in every sense of the word. i scoff at people who squirm at the sight of poop oozing out of stomach holes, roll my eyes at people who gag at vomit, and dry heave at various other things that show up in hospitals. i get irritated with my mom who insists that certain things give her diarrhea and thus insists on buying gallons of bottled water from the store even though brita filters do exactly the same thing. i feel sorry for my poor sister who gets upset stomach from fatty foods (goodbye, fried chicken dinners) because i rarely experience what my adorable nephew calls "ow ow belly".

there are a few exceptions (until now, i'll get to it, promise) to this somewhat arrogant statement. one occured last summer when i made the mistake of eating a "beef" burrito from this super sketch joint in the south bronx. i can't say that i didn't know what i was getting myself into because i distinctly remember telling my friend stefanie that the beef didn't taste right. i shrugged, assumed my stomach could handle it, and then ate the rest. a 102 degree transient fever and several dates with my toilet later, i vowed never to eat from that burrito joint again.

the other episode of food poisoning occurred when i was in college. i went to this place in santa monica located in an area affectionately dubbed little osaka to eat at asahi ramen with my friend aileen. it was the first time i called out sick to my stupid hospital office job (which is more thankless? my job then or my job now? jury's still out on that one, but at least now i get paid more.) and i was put off ramen for several years, even while i lived in japan, i proceeded cautiously, first dipping my toe in the waters of ominous colloid broth only to realize that that shit is delicious and then plunge head first into the joys of tonkotsu. good thing i live in new york, where ramen shops pop up faster than you can say "irasshaimase".

this week, in an overzealous attempt to cook all my meals and save on eating out, i let a whole roasting chicken sit in my fridge a little longer than it ought to have. i got home from work on tuesday with the intention of roasting this chicken, opened the package and thought it smelled a little funny. i rinsed it off and viola! it didn't smell so funny anymore. i proceeded as planned. the chicken was delicious (from what i could remember). i even served it with some salad (that i didn't wash--TJ's triple washes all of their bagged salads, right?) tossed with avocado and cheese. a meal fit for a princess.

it could have been the chicken. it could have been the salad. whether it was salmonella or e.coli, one thing i know: i will not be eating either of those things for a long, long time. because my friends, there was ow ow belly. with impunity. my stomach of steel has been conquered at last by some pesky bacteria and i'm not sure if i'll ever get over it.