My Favorite (Summer) Things

in no particular order

1) sangria

2) outdoor evening movies (and it's an excellent lineup this summer!)

2a) plus booze, preferably #1

3) ice cream!!

4) summer iced teas from peets

5) concerts in the park (also looks promising this summer!)

6) cobblers, berry pies and strawberry shortcake

7) air conditioned libraries

8) carmel-by-the-sea

9) getting tan

10) eating outdoors

11) bbqs, especially with muck's "hee hee!" steak

12) smell of ocean in santa cruz

13) fort tryon park in full bloom

14) travel

15) wearing flip flops and cute mini skirts

16) lemonade

17) farmers' market produce: stone fruit (cherries, peaches, nectarines), strawberries and fresh tomatoes!!

18) joyrides along the coast

19) free time!

Funny Cousin Quotes

I have a lot of cousins.  Like everytime I count how many I come up with a different number lot of cousins.  (I think the last count was 19.)  Being on the older end of the spectrum of cousins--the youngest is in the 3rd grade, I think--it's been interesting watching them grow up and remembering how much it sucked being a kid in a mob of other kids related to you, trying to stand out, out-shine, be special, get some attention from your overstressed, overworked and generally overstimulted and distracted parents.  I always envied the single children who had this air of self-assurance that they were most definitely the center of their parents' attention.  

I mean now I wouldn't trade my siblings on my life, but when I watch my cousins interact it brings back a lot of memories.  Bad ones. 

However last night I had the chance to hang out with some cousins that I usually don't get to.  It was a refreshing change from previous cousin interactions: where cousin set A interactions were usually wrought with competition and an air of snarky put-downs, cousin set B interactions were characterized by refreshingly light banter, camaraderie and hilarity.  Back and forth quips that were not mean, but meant to egg each other on towards more funniness.  SO GREAT.  And here are a few from last night:

"I guess I could pee at Cold Stone, but the manager there has gay face."

"Ugh, there's this girl in my dance class and she's FAT and WHITE and she smells like Chinatown times TEN."

"Kathleen!  Not so loud! You sound like a fob."

"I'll do all of those ballet positions on that nightgown if you give me a dollar." (later:) "OMG I can't believe I just humiliated myself in front of all these people for a dollar!... this is a pretty good way to make money!"

"Ugh... belly button cheese is never okay."

"Okay I've always wanted to ask someone this and I think you'll know the answer.  If the GI tract is really just one tube from mouth to anus, then technically if I put a string in your mouth and somehow managed to get it all the way through your intestines, then could I have a string with ends sticking out of your mouth and butt where I could pull on both ends?"

"If your patient has so much diarrhea, you hot glue a balloon to his anus and collect it that way."

"Have you ever had a fat, stinky, black homeless patient where you had to clean up the poo and turn them?"

Funny Mom Quotes

When I was younger, I used to be embarassed by my mom (much like, no doubt, every other teenager).  She said all sorts of weird things and still referred to all of my friends' moms as "your mommy" and was generally uncool.  Now that I'm older, I just think she's hilarious.  She is so unconsciously prejudiced against people who are unlike her that she just says things without realizing that they're offensive.  Here are a few prime examples from her stay in New York this week:

"He just looked like a Mexican!... no offense." -to my roommate right after she informed mom that she was half Asian

"He actually is a very good boy, you know.. gives back to the community and helps black people paint their churches even though he makes a lot of money and he's Jewish.  And he looks like such a Jew!" - referring to a recently reunited acquaintance

"Oh you know, I was just talking to that nice Chinese boy.... married, though." - answering my question about who she was talking to, speaking to my fears that my mother is trying to be my matchmaker

"Ellen's okay... but you know, she's an L-lady!" - on the Ellen Degeneres Show

"This is fun! (in Chinese)" - on transferring from the subway to the crosstown bus.

"How come you're always looking for your pants?!" - spoken to me, self-explanatory

"Who is that friend of yours?  Why does she talk so funny?" - referring to a friend who actually does sound a bit like a cartoon character

Mom: Yeah I wanted to buy Sam a cup like that too but there wasn't that much choice, all of the cups are gay.

Me: MOM!  Not so loud in public!

Mom: Oops, I mean ... all the cups are "g."

"It's time for my mum-mums." - telling me that it's snacktime.